my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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