as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
