he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
