I skipped work to stalk him.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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