How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
