We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
