She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
