im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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