If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
