I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
