Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize