If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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