we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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