Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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