I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
cat food counts as protein by the way
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize