Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
