She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
please don't ironically join a cult
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