We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
