we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
