i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
