i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
