I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
