HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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