WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
