'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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