well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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