i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
