Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
