tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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