I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
