tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
