Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
