i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize