he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
