Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
