Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize