I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
if only i could text you this smell
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
