erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
