I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
