arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
