i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
