At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
