I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
