My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
