Someone shit on the floor
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
