im about as happy as oj after his trial
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize