peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
