her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
In America we eat man semen.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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