I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
two words: eviction party
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
