Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize