I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize