there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
