I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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