i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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