the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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