I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
