grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
