Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Drunk is not a location!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
