so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize