i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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