guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
