I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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