laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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