any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
