I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
A bitchslap is in order.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
