why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
