and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
