i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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