I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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