just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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