dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
