Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
