I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
