My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
