I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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