would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize