I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
People in love make me want to vomit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
