so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize