he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
