Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
