walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
