I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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