omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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