Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
