I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
pray to the hookup gods
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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