i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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