I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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