Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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