Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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