I feel like I'm in dance class right now
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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