Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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