I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
