Im at strip club and am horny
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
